Expectations

This post has been brewing for a few days as I have not had time lately to write.  Between everything we have had going on and I am trying to fight off my annual late October cold, it just hasn't made it out of my head.

Listening to myself talk the other day,  I noticed another element that directly impacts my reaction and tone. That is my expectation of said events.  One of the reasons for my work related frustrated tone is my expectation of my co-workers or just others that I interact with on a daily basis.  I personally think it is not unreasonable to have such high expectations, however, how I react when they are not met probably needs some adjusting.

It really amazes me at what I think someone should be fired for and what actually gets someone fired.  If I were the owner/boss, I would probably have a very lean workforce.  What I tend to find myself in is a mindset that if it is A) elementary level cognitive skills, a grown adult should possess that skill.  B) If this is a job that someone has done for a long time, they should know how to do it. C)If they have been shown or the directions on how to do it are readily available, they should be able to figure it out.  Finally, D) If your company provides a certain product or service you should actually understand or be able to source all that the service or product entails.

All of those things help drive me to be a good employee, however, when I work with someone that does not meet those, I tend to lose patience very easy.  This is the part I have to work on.  How can I go about expressing my displeasure or working through the issue without sounding like a jerk?  This, I have not mastered.  It is something that even now is an issue for me.  This is something that I can apply the Gospel to. I should have a deep appreciation for the Grace God has shown me all the times I have done things I knew I shouldn't have and made the same mistakes over and over no matter how many times I had "learned my lesson".  Acting the way I do above puts me in a really lousy position.  I freely accept God's Grace for me, however, I believe I am above that standard when someone else makes what I feel to be a dumb or lazy mistake.

It goes the same for the way I treat Amy, and down the road, the girls.  Right now, the girls get a pass on most things because they are only 2 and 3 1/2, but as they get older and start to make the same mistakes over and over, how am I going to react?  Hopefully by then, God will grow me so that I will make fewer jerkish comments and more grace filled comments.

Not a lot to go on with this thought, other than recognizing I do this and needing to add it to my mental checklist before words leave my mouth.  Hopefully in the next day or two, I am going to be able to listen to more of my recordings and get a feel for how I really sound to others on the phone.  Most of what I wrote about tonight is how my minds ear hears it, so if it is like other conversations, it will probably be an eye opener.


Josh

What is the point of this?

What is the point of this? I realized that as I start to blog about myself, I need to keep Jesus in the main focus.  I want to make sure that as I grow through this exercise, that the only true growth is getting closer to God.

It is very easy to focus on myself during this and to try to give myself credit for making changes to my "methods" of communicating.  However, what I want to keep in mind that as I continue, as I hear more of how I speak to others, I need to let God lead my heart to sin areas in my life that need fixing.  I need to realize that as we see the truth about ourselves, it is God revealing another part of our life we need to give to Him.

It is a great thing that we experience progressive sanctification.  Think back to a time when a boss/teacher/coach/spouse or friend unloaded a list of all the things wrong with you or something you did at the same time.  It is nearly impossible to deal with such a list or even accept all the things pointed out to you. God treats us the same way.  He reveals things to us slowly so that we can have a heart change and not just behaviour modification.

As I listen to how I argue, I am starting to hear things about how I say something that is not really that effective.  I also tend to unload a list.  Again, stemming from my need to purge an entire topic all at once, I have a terrible "is this worth it" filter.  Even tonight, I received an email from a vendor on the west coast.  It was nothing like the conversation I had with them earlier today, however, since they were still working, I picked up the phone and dealt with it.  Not because it was all that pressing, but because it frustrated me and I wanted a resolution tonight.

I have to learn to step away from situations and accept a wait it out mentality, especially when something is non-essential.  Achieving this will allow me to think through my conversations before having them and hopefully, help me discern what is worth the words.

What are your guides for deciding what is worth the fight/conversations and when to just let it go?

Overall, I want to make sure I use this to bring Glory to God, to let the growth be spiritual heart growth, not behaviour modification and remind myself, it is because of our sin I am this way, but Praise God, our sin is dead and we are no longer slaves to it. Rom 6:14.  This means, that I can change for Gods Glory because it is HE who lives in me.


Josh

Even if I am right

Day 2 or blog 2, I think I might start calling it by blog numbers, it will help it all make sense.  Interesting start to this whole thing as I decided to wear my pen on Saturday to take Odette to the Dr. and then we thought, to Trader Joe's.  Just to clear it up, Trader Joe's and Traderjoes, while when said, sound the same, are not the same points on a map and there is not a Trader Joe's in a business park, while there is a Traderjoes.  (If you didn't figure it out, we didn't make it to the grocery store).

Saturday started off pretty well, but given the short story above, tension started to get a little high in the car.  I have not had a chance to listen to much from the recording, except for one section where Amy and I got into a little tiff.  What I noticed from this is how mean I can sound.

While during this particular argument, it could be argued that I was the "victim" and was being treated un-fairly, however, it has started to occur(I have a long way to go) to me that it doesn't really matter.  When I heard how aggressive I sounded, it was kind of bothersome or  more of a "really?", did that argument warrant such a tone.

This has started the thought process of when is it ok to stand up and defend/correct/chastise someone when they are "wronging" you and further, what is the correct tone to assume?  I am curious what others use as a rule of thumb?  Especially in the heat of the moment?  I am quick to caution my tone with the girls, and I feel like a do a decent job of it.  That being said, why am I not as aggressively guarded with Amy or others?  Mostly Amy, because if yall are anything like me, there is a level of filter that you apply from complete stranger to family member.  We all have it, but with some, it is a little less obvious.

Not a lot to gleam from one set of recordings other than to ponder when is "stern Josh" justified and when is it not.  I am curious though, does anyone have any insight on standing up to your spouse from a nice position vs. stern?

Tomorrow will be my first day wearing it at work, I think it will be interesting.

Josh