Even if I am right

Day 2 or blog 2, I think I might start calling it by blog numbers, it will help it all make sense.  Interesting start to this whole thing as I decided to wear my pen on Saturday to take Odette to the Dr. and then we thought, to Trader Joe's.  Just to clear it up, Trader Joe's and Traderjoes, while when said, sound the same, are not the same points on a map and there is not a Trader Joe's in a business park, while there is a Traderjoes.  (If you didn't figure it out, we didn't make it to the grocery store).

Saturday started off pretty well, but given the short story above, tension started to get a little high in the car.  I have not had a chance to listen to much from the recording, except for one section where Amy and I got into a little tiff.  What I noticed from this is how mean I can sound.

While during this particular argument, it could be argued that I was the "victim" and was being treated un-fairly, however, it has started to occur(I have a long way to go) to me that it doesn't really matter.  When I heard how aggressive I sounded, it was kind of bothersome or  more of a "really?", did that argument warrant such a tone.

This has started the thought process of when is it ok to stand up and defend/correct/chastise someone when they are "wronging" you and further, what is the correct tone to assume?  I am curious what others use as a rule of thumb?  Especially in the heat of the moment?  I am quick to caution my tone with the girls, and I feel like a do a decent job of it.  That being said, why am I not as aggressively guarded with Amy or others?  Mostly Amy, because if yall are anything like me, there is a level of filter that you apply from complete stranger to family member.  We all have it, but with some, it is a little less obvious.

Not a lot to gleam from one set of recordings other than to ponder when is "stern Josh" justified and when is it not.  I am curious though, does anyone have any insight on standing up to your spouse from a nice position vs. stern?

Tomorrow will be my first day wearing it at work, I think it will be interesting.

Josh

The tone of your voice

It's not what you say, it's how you say it!

Well, a few things to start off with.  One, I am terrible at design and making my page look good, Amy, on the other hand, rocks at making things match and look good, so if you want to see a blog that is snazzy, head on over to http://alooscloset.blogspot.com/ .  Second, this is going to be interesting experiment for me, and I am going to try to update as much as possible.  Feel free to comment on my post, just be nice if you disagree with me.  Lastly, I haven't really blogged in forever, the last (and only) post I had on my blogger was from Nov 2008, so hopefully, this will start a helpful trend for me, I enjoy writing my thoughts out, so I think it will be good.  Now on with the whole "experiment".

The tone of my voice.  My title for day 1 is the motivation for my experiment and blogging.  Amy and I have been married almost 6 years.  Something that has not changed since the day we said "I do" is my approach to differences.  For those that know me, I generally have a very black and white approach to decisions.  At times in business, it is very helpful, other times in personal life, not so much.  When I see something that I think is illogical or could be done differently (my way) I do not have a problem sharing the way I see it being done. Now, we get to the title.  Once I determine I am going to comment on how something is being done, I blurt it out.  In my head it is all roses and peaches, but to the untrained ear, it can sound very rude and condescending.  I don't mean to, I really don't.  Unfortunately, to the person on the other side of my mouth, they can't hear the words as they sound in my head, only how I speak to them and how it makes them feel.

I rarely intend to say things to be cruel, think less of, or different of a person when I say something, but when the logic steps someone took are not apparent, I feel the need to help them "understand".  When someone is gifted with being right all the time, we feel like we should bless everyone with our talent.  :)  Don't get me wrong, I really don't think I am right all the time, it just sounds that way because of the tone of my voice.

After a series of enlightening conversations recently, where how I sounded vs. what I said was explained to me, I decided I really wanted to try to change how I say things.  As I mentioned early, I really don't intend to sound like a jerk and when I do, I can't even hear it myself.  My minds ear sounds very neutral when I present a comment.  This is my biggest problem, even if you stop me mid-sentence of my unintended rude comment, I still don't hear it.  So, in order to find out how I really sound, I have decided to start recording myself every day.  I have bought a nifty 4GB "spy pen" that will allow me to record almost a days worth of blabbering.  Then, on a regular basis, I am going to listen to myself and see what I really sound like and hope to identify key elements in my speech that I think sound one way, but in reality sound completely different.

I hope to hear what other people hear and learn to take the extra breath before I speak, or to change my approach so as to not come across like a condescending jerk.  In my effort to grow closer to God and become more like Jesus, kindness in speech is an area that I need lots of work.  I will go out of my way to help you, I just sometimes, sound like a jerk when doing it.

Please follow along, offer advice, and maybe if you find yourself in my shoes, I will motivate you to listen to how you sound instead of what you say. In an attempt to be more like Jesus and treat my spouse and others the way He treats us, I pray this experiment is a success.

Here's to changes,

Josh