The tone of your voice

It's not what you say, it's how you say it!

Well, a few things to start off with.  One, I am terrible at design and making my page look good, Amy, on the other hand, rocks at making things match and look good, so if you want to see a blog that is snazzy, head on over to http://alooscloset.blogspot.com/ .  Second, this is going to be interesting experiment for me, and I am going to try to update as much as possible.  Feel free to comment on my post, just be nice if you disagree with me.  Lastly, I haven't really blogged in forever, the last (and only) post I had on my blogger was from Nov 2008, so hopefully, this will start a helpful trend for me, I enjoy writing my thoughts out, so I think it will be good.  Now on with the whole "experiment".

The tone of my voice.  My title for day 1 is the motivation for my experiment and blogging.  Amy and I have been married almost 6 years.  Something that has not changed since the day we said "I do" is my approach to differences.  For those that know me, I generally have a very black and white approach to decisions.  At times in business, it is very helpful, other times in personal life, not so much.  When I see something that I think is illogical or could be done differently (my way) I do not have a problem sharing the way I see it being done. Now, we get to the title.  Once I determine I am going to comment on how something is being done, I blurt it out.  In my head it is all roses and peaches, but to the untrained ear, it can sound very rude and condescending.  I don't mean to, I really don't.  Unfortunately, to the person on the other side of my mouth, they can't hear the words as they sound in my head, only how I speak to them and how it makes them feel.

I rarely intend to say things to be cruel, think less of, or different of a person when I say something, but when the logic steps someone took are not apparent, I feel the need to help them "understand".  When someone is gifted with being right all the time, we feel like we should bless everyone with our talent.  :)  Don't get me wrong, I really don't think I am right all the time, it just sounds that way because of the tone of my voice.

After a series of enlightening conversations recently, where how I sounded vs. what I said was explained to me, I decided I really wanted to try to change how I say things.  As I mentioned early, I really don't intend to sound like a jerk and when I do, I can't even hear it myself.  My minds ear sounds very neutral when I present a comment.  This is my biggest problem, even if you stop me mid-sentence of my unintended rude comment, I still don't hear it.  So, in order to find out how I really sound, I have decided to start recording myself every day.  I have bought a nifty 4GB "spy pen" that will allow me to record almost a days worth of blabbering.  Then, on a regular basis, I am going to listen to myself and see what I really sound like and hope to identify key elements in my speech that I think sound one way, but in reality sound completely different.

I hope to hear what other people hear and learn to take the extra breath before I speak, or to change my approach so as to not come across like a condescending jerk.  In my effort to grow closer to God and become more like Jesus, kindness in speech is an area that I need lots of work.  I will go out of my way to help you, I just sometimes, sound like a jerk when doing it.

Please follow along, offer advice, and maybe if you find yourself in my shoes, I will motivate you to listen to how you sound instead of what you say. In an attempt to be more like Jesus and treat my spouse and others the way He treats us, I pray this experiment is a success.

Here's to changes,

Josh