Tonight's blog will be pretty short. I had a really neat idea of how I was going to tie in a scene from The Jerk when he is the weight guesser and it was all dandy, but now that I am writing, I have no clue what I was thinking about.
It was interesting wearing it around work all day today. Nothing too exciting going on, and nothing really much to glean from it. It was a fairly uneventful day today. I did notice that I mumble, a lot. It is something that I have always done and I am aware of it, but just like any of you, when you hear yourself, you really see how bad it is. Most of my mumbling comes from trying to talk too quickly. It is a very hard thing for me to control my pacing, because if I slow down too much, my brain has moved so far past what I am trying to say, the thought is gone. I have ADD and if you don't, it is hard to explain. Just imagine if you have 10 people talking to you all at once and you can hear everything everyone is saying. Then imagine that you feel compelled to answer all 10 people as quickly as they are speaking to you. Yeah, that is a glimpse inside my head. Sometimes, it can make conversations VERY difficult, especially with 2 little girls constantly talking as well.
Given that thought, that is not the direction I intended for my blog, but it highlights a contributing factor to my sometimes black and white approach to conversations. When I am talking to Amy especially, I am trying very hard to get the whole thought out in a reasonable amount of time. 1) the mumbling (fast talking) and 2) my delivery, i.e., the reason for this blog. I think one of the reasons I come across so cold or direct, I am just trying to get it out before my brain moves on and to me, it is just facts that I need to process. Also for me, even saying basic facts is kind of like getting something off your chest. When I can "purge" it from my brain, it frees up another spot for me to think about something else.
Not that the above revelation justifies what I do, just more for me to help understand why I do it. Just to help reinforce how my brain is a jumbled mess, the paragraph below this one, was written before this one. I had already moved on to thought #2 and all the above came out.
We did finally make it to the grocery store tonight and of course, when I wish I had the recording going, the battery had already died and I didn't get it. I do feel like I was a little more in tune to what I was saying, I can't really say that it changed much, but I was a little more aware. Something I learned/clicked with me tonight that came out in a "conversation" with Amy, is that in my quest to organize the dailies for our family, it comes out as I am setting Amy's to-do list so to speak. While that is not my intention, that is what is sounds like.
So my two take-aways tonight, I mumble and I don't need to try to plan for everyone, if I can let that go, that might make room for other stuff in my brain.
Josh
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